Frustrated

Eleven more days until I get to hold baby girl in my arms!  It's difficult to show how thankful and excited we are, but I honestly can't wait.  Is she going to look like my other daughter?  Will she be as big as the other two kids were?  How will she sleep and will I be able to cope with having three young children under the age of four?  I've been anxious trying to plan for her arrival and to prep my older two kids for the changes she'll bring.  They've helped me decorate her room, put her new diapers away, and they know it's 'Grace's room'.  I've been more than enjoying decorating her room and putting together her whimsical dandelion theme.  It's taken me longer than I had hoped because of the blanket business; I shut down about a month later than I had anticipated, but all of the extra money will go a long way in keeping our finances together while I'm on maternity leave. 

While decorating her room, I realized I've become more than a bit obsessive about how I want everything organized.  Even in the rest of my house.  Maybe it's the hormones and the nesting syndrome, but it's really put a damper on my attitude.  My mother-in-law graciously asked to watch the kiddos two days a week while she's on summer break.  We're saving a TON on daycare because of it and I love that the kids are always together and doing something fun (not that they weren't doing that in Daycare, but it's different with Grammy).  Because I'm overly pregnant, running a business until the wee hours of the morning, working full time and have a less than helpful partner in the domestic home part, she took it upon herself to do my laundry and dishes as well as the new baby's clothes.  Lord help me phrase this next part correctly so I don't sound like a complete bitch, but I don't like that she does it anymore.  I'm not ungrateful (at least I don't think I am), but as an independent woman that has never needed nor wanted help before, this new help from my MIL is killing my pride.  And maybe that's just it.  I'm too proud.  I feel like a lesser woman because she can do all of these things while watching my two kids and I just can't.  My dishes are clean, I have clothes for two weeks instead of maybe one, and my bathroom is cleaner than it has been since my son's birthday in May.  But I didn't do hardly any of it.  I just honestly don't have the time (I swear I don't, people.  I know how to organize my time and multi-task, but it requires energy that I don't have right now). 

I didn't say anything to her because I was able to swallow my pride and realize that she is HELPING me because she loves me and her grandchildren.  But then she asked if she could help organize Grace's room and if she could buy a skirt for the crib....and then, I shook with anger so hard I started to have contractions.  Grace's room is MY project room. I am the ONLY ONE allowed to put anything in and take anything out.  I reserve the right to control all designs and plans and I refuse to let anyone help (except for the kids and then it's limited).  At that point, I told her finally, 'No please don't.  Grace's room is my project room and I want to be the only one doing anything to it.'  She said, 'oh okay sorry'.  (All over text.) 

Yes, I realize that's being bitchy.  I can blame some of it on hormones, but ultimately I know I have a control issue.  I made the house what it is today and I came up with all of the colors and layout and everything; I feel like for another woman to step in and try to change anything is beyond what I can conceive as helpful.  I'm a proud woman and I want it to be exactly as I have envisioned. 

And yes, she put the dishes away in the wrong places.